WE ALL SUCK — BUT THAT’S OKAY

Do you know what feels shitty? Admitting to yourself how much you suck. You’ve probably noticed.

Do you know what feels shitty? Admitting to yourself how much you suck. You’ve probably noticed.

But here’s the thing: we all suck. You suck, I suck, everyone you know somehow sucks. And that’s okay. No, it’s not only okay — it’s beautiful.

Because our imperfections and our weaknesses make us human.

They make this endeavor called life that we are all part of so much more interesting. Our individual weaknesses are part of what makes every one of us unique.

And yet, still, we don’t like to see it that way. Exploring our own weaknesses often creates a lot of discomforts. So we avoid it and rather come up with lies about ourselves that make us feel better in the moment.

We all do this, in many different ways.

We selectively pay attention to things that confirm our pre-existing beliefs (about ourselves). We distract ourselves with emotions that feel good from emotions that feel bad.

And we are very good at finding seemingly plausible explanations for why we are behaving in shitty ways — other than that we simply suck (read: “… other than that we are imperfect and have weaknesses that inevitably express themselves at times.”)

For example, I have a tendency to feed my ego through feelings of intellectual superiority. And this can lead to me shutting down other people’s differing opinions with overly aggressive arguments and judgments.

Ouch…

Do you think admitting this to myself was easy? Not at all. It took me a long time during which I had continuously been explaining away instances that should have made this fact obvious to me. It certainly made it obvious to other people — and even alienated some of them. But I ducked away from really exploring this weakness of mine for so long because it felt pretty shitty as soon as I started.

So I lied to myself.

But now that I am aware of this tendency, I suck a bit less. And the conversations and controversial discussions I have with people have improved a lot.

This doesn’t mean that this weakness of mine is gone. It simply means that I got better at handling it and not letting it run amok.

And that’s what it’s all about.

Being honest to yourself can be very hard. But it doesn’t have to be. Your increased self-awareness with regards to your own weaknesses should not result in making you feel more miserable. It should not result in you telling yourself constantly how bad you really are.

Because you aren’t.

Don’t let your self-awareness feed your self-judgment. Rather, couple it to self-acceptance.

Again, we all suck. That’s the truth. Flaws and imperfections exist in everyone. And you are not a bad person for acknowledging them in yourself.

Quite the contrary, actually.

In Buddhist traditions, for example, ignorance is seen as one of the three root causes of evil (besides greed and hate). And Plato allegedly viewed ignorance as “… the root and stem of all evil.”

Most people who act like assholes are usually pretty ignorant of their flaws and weaknesses. They don’t accept them…

Accepting yourself with all of the flaws you carry around is, I believe, a fundamental component of understanding others and their weaknesses better and thus being more empathetic.

Ultimately, being honest to yourself, and grounding that self-awareness in self-acceptance, will help you act more deliberately and more kindly, as well as to connect more to the people around you.

Plus, it will help you get more of what you really want — because you know how you can and cannot get it best.

This piece is a mini-chapter out of a guide on self-knowledge I am currently writing. Feel free to comment below and to share this article with everyone who should read it (like, everyone). If you hit and hold that clap button, I’d be even more grateful. But do so only if this piece gave you some form of insight, idea or thought. If not, don’t :)

Much love,
Phil